Soulgasm

To Quill the Mocking World

The Day I Lost My Pants


By Daksh Shah

(4 min read)

School Bullying and Depression

I wanna tell tale of a day best forgotten,

A day involving an apple, shmuck and loads of ants;

Even worse, the apple was rotten;

It was the day: the day i lost my pants.

 

An unusual chilly morning like none other:

Simmering sallow Sun and dazzling dripping dew;

The cause of misery, viz. my little brother,

Coz of whom the goodness of the morning out the window flew.

 

At 5, he was a bumbling mumbling chump.

In his urgency he couldn’t find the loo;

Thats when he decided to take a dump

Right on the zipper of my spare pantaloons!

 

I woke up then to the smell of garden lillies,

As well as yesterday’s baked beans

(With all the musky intestinal spices),

And realised i’m missing my favorite jeans.

 

My school is strict about our uniform

So wading in deep waters i was

with one blue jeans unknowingly misplaced

and the other had a smelly gift from young Santa Claus!

 

So in a jiffy i ran to mama

On the brink of tears the size of elephants

Told her of my sad sorry senile dilemma

“Mama, mama, i think i lost my pants!”

 

Ever the saviour, and after her affectionate kissy

Thinking her innovations were my defenders

She wrote the teacher her excusing note in a jiffy

And sent me to school in sleek and shiny suspenders.

 

Now i was grumpy and you know why

So dad tried to distract me with scrabble

And lest i should begin to cry

Mama gave me the aforesaid red apple.

 

So apple, suspenders and me went to school

Matching-matching colours all three

All the bullies would wanna drool

For different shades of red were we.

 

And thus we confronted ma’am Perdew

Whispering, stuttering, reasoning my attire

Yet despite all attempts the chinese whispers flew

My embarassment set the gossip-mongers on fire.

 

I sat down quietly at my desk

Sat through the lecture without incident

But little did i know that the devils grotesque,

To humiliate me were totally hell-bent.

 

All the day girls hid their faces from me

I thought t’was because they were shy

“Not so”, said my pal Timmy

And pointed to my open fly.

 

So i hastily stoppered my post-box,

With my ears attaining a burgundy hue

Then with stealthy guile i opened my lunch box

And shared my apple with Jimmy and Stue.

 

Into three pieces i cut the apple

Twice the cutting p-rocedure i repeated

But the lords with my luck did grapple

For i found that only mine third was fetid.

 

Come day end i ran home extremely tearful;

If my day had begun bad, the ending was amazing

Amazing, fantastic and excruciatingly painful

My dog Swampy on my lost jeans was grazing.

 

Of my luck to the lord i must write a letter;

And yea oh yea i forgot about the ants

But that was the day i lost my sweater

Not the day i lost my pants……


 

(Image credits)

Daksh is a guest author at Soulgasm.

(Click here to read our first book “Mirrored Spaces” : A poetry and art anthology in English and Hindi with contributions from 22 artists)

 

 

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This entry was posted on October 1, 2016 by in Non-Fiction, Poetry and tagged .

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